My Path To Victory (by Rachael)

It occurred to me the other night as I was going through my usual list of woes against me… “Am I living in defeat?  Am I, Lord?  Is that really where I have been?”  So I laid it out for the Lord again, ya know, in case He forgot and as if to justify myself. “…But (deep breath here)…I am tired.  The baby has been robbing me and my husband of sleep.  I haven’t begun to exercise yet because of how tired I am every day.  So I feel crappy about still being so out of shape.  I am exhausted emotionally.  I still carry the grief of losing my dad very heavily.  We are busy with the ministry.  Busy with home schooling.  I am cranky and snappy at the kids...” I daily whine to the Lord about how I wish I could be a better wife and a better mom, a better teacher and housekeeper, etc.   I cry about what a failure I have been in these areas.  And then I remind Him and myself that my circumstances (namely sleep-deprivation and grief) just don’t allow me to be what I think I want to be for my family.  So am I just accepting this? I read my Bible daily.  Sometimes that’s barely all I can do… If I manage to get myself woken up before the baby and kids need all my attention, that is.  And to pray??!  How many days upon days I have barely been able to utter “help us Lord, help me Lord…” and that, only in my spirit.   

So then, am I living in defeat or victory here?  I ask the Lord, “HOW can I live in victory when I have so much against me? When I keep failing my kids and my husband?”  “What is victory supposed to look like here, Lord?”  Does that mean I just suck it up and get my butt out of bed before the kids, even if that means I got 4 hours of sleep, so I can exercise, clean, and read my Bible and prepare for school? Does that mean I just stop being sad and stop missing my dad?  Seriously, Lord. HOW do I stand in victory?  How do I not just let the overwhelming waves of sorrow and exhaustion swallow me up?

I have been reading through the Psalms lately.  And the Lord spoke to me so gently and so clearly.

“Praise Me.” 

That is the answer.

 Sing to Yahweh a new song! Sing to Yahweh all the earth…Bless His name! Ps 96

I will sing of loving kindness and justice. To You, Yahweh, I will sing praises. Ps 101

Praise Yahweh, my soul! All that is within me, praise His holy name! Ps 103

Praise Yahweh! Give thanks to Yahweh, for He is good, for His loving kindness endures forever. Ps 106, 107

Praise Yah! I will give thanks to Yahweh with my whole heart, in the council of the upright. Ps 111

Praise Yah! Praise, you servants of Yahweh, praise the name of Yahweh! Ps 113

Etc etc etc

I CAN be victorious. I don’t have to be defeated, just because life is tough.  I can stand, walk, live in victory when I praise my God no matter what my circumstances are. 

No, my house doesn’t have to always be clean.  No, my body doesn’t have to be in perfect shape.  No, I don’t have to be able to function on 4 hours of sleep.  Yes, I will be tired.  Yes, I will take naps and leave my older kids to watch a movie. Yes, I will have to sacrifice time with my husband to take care of our baby. Yes, we may get behind in school. Yes, I will be grumpy and make mistakes.  Yes, I will be sad.  Yes, I will be overwhelmed. I will even have meltdowns from time to time.  But none of that means I am defeated.  Not by default.  No.  I will praise my God.  I will praise my Lord.  I will give Him the thanks and praise and honor due His holy name – for HE IS HOLY.  That is what I will do no matter how I feel…because He is worthy and deserving, regardless of my stage of life.  When I choose praise, I deny defeat.  

And this is my victory. 

Friend, this is our victory.