Upon waking up this last full day in America, a plethora of emotions floods me. My chest feels heavy. A myriad of logistics overwhelms my thoughts. My stomach churns as nerves roll around. Our time here in the states on one hand was nothing like we anticipated it would be. But on the other hand, it was everything we needed. We were so broken down when we first arrived. We could hardly speak about it. We had no desire to do anything accept curl up and attempt to “escape” all of the heart ache and weariness we had been living off of the past year. And we definitely were in no place to minister to someone else. So over these past three months, the Lord took us through His spiritual and emotional therapy – a sovereign route through the loving and giving arms of His saints, strategically placed along our natural path. Along this route, we have been so uplifted, spiritually renewed, emotionally comforted, physically provided for, encouraged and strengthened.
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| Kosovo After The Rain - photo by Joanna Martinez |
Upon waking up this last full day in America, a plethora of emotions floods me. My chest feels heavy. A myriad of logistics overwhelms my thoughts. My stomach churns as nerves roll around. Our time here in the states on one hand was nothing like we anticipated it would be. But on the other hand, it was everything we needed. We were so broken down when we first arrived. We could hardly speak about it. We had no desire to do anything accept curl up and attempt to “escape” all of the heart ache and weariness we had been living off of the past year. And we definitely were in no place to minister to someone else. So over these past three months, the Lord took us through His spiritual and emotional therapy – a sovereign route through the loving and giving arms of His saints, strategically placed along our natural path. Along this route, we have been so uplifted, spiritually renewed, emotionally comforted, physically provided for, encouraged and strengthened.
It is safe to say
that the difficulties that we have been facing and yet have before us have not
been eliminated. In fact, if I am being
truly honest, this transition back to the other world will be the hardest ever,
and we recognize that we may have entered the most difficult season of our
lives and ministry so far. And in that
said honesty, I was hoping that we were about finished with this long cold winter
and looking forward to a spring. I have
said before in the discussion of seasons that it feels like we get all the
seasons of Antarctica. But I don’t even
care anymore how long this winter will last.
Is God not in the winter? Oh, but He has been so present in our winter. And I do know the nature of seasons, and that
is that they change. And I won’t be in Antarctica
forever.
As I have sat and mused over what has been and what may
come, I have come to a confident conclusion: Who God is and who He has always
been and always will be. This… will not
be the beginning of His unfaithfulness.
It will not be the first time in creation’s history that He will not be
gracious. This will not be the first
time that He will forget me. This will
not be the first time that God won’t carry us through. And it won’t be the last time that He will
show His goodness either. This won’t be
the final straw that sucks up the last drop of His grace. So I am not worried
{peaceful smile}. Things may be hard,
yes {acknowledging eyes}. But as I let it all go back into His faithful arms,
the Everlasting Arms that have always been faithful and always will be
faithful, I can know and trust and rejoice in all that He has planned for me
and my family, and it is good.
I love how the writer from Psalm 77 is so relatable. He was so troubled that his soul refused to
be comforted. He even thought that God
had forgotten him and wondered if God was ever going to remember him again. But then he gets his mind out of his own “woe
is me” troubles and takes comfort in remembering the mighty works of God. He got his perspective back in line. Instead of complaining about how God doesn’t
remember him, he remembered God and all that He has done before... Strength...
Redemption... So he took heart
knowing that God will do it again. And
what comfort and hope there is in really knowing that even in the midst of the
most violent storms, God can still be seen and heard, even by the storm itself.
1 I
cried out to God with my voice—
To God with my voice;And He gave ear to me.
2 In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord;
My hand was stretched out in the night without ceasing;
My soul refused to be comforted.
3 I remembered God, and was troubled;
I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah
4 You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
5 I have considered the days of old,
The years of ancient times.
6 I call to remembrance my song in the night;
I meditate within my heart,
And my spirit makes diligent search.
7 Will the Lord cast off forever?
And will He be favorable no more?
8 Has His mercy ceased forever?
Has His promise failed forevermore?
9 Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has He in anger shut up His tender mercies? Selah
10 And I said, “This is my anguish;
But I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
11 I will remember the works of the LORD;
Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.
12 I will also meditate on all Your work,
And talk of Your deeds.
13 Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary;
Who is so great a God as our God?
14 You are the God who does wonders;
You have declared Your strength among the peoples.
15 You have with Your arm redeemed Your people,
The sons of Jacob and Joseph. Selah
16 The waters saw You, O God;
The waters saw You, they were afraid;
The depths also trembled.
17 The clouds poured out water;
The skies sent out a sound;
Your arrows also flashed about.
18 The voice of Your thunder was in the whirlwind;
The lightnings lit up the world;
The earth trembled and shook.
19 Your way was in the sea,
Your path in the great waters,
And Your footsteps were not known.
20 You led Your people like a flock
By the hand of Moses and Aaron.
Psalm 77
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